I'm Still Hungry

On Her OWN...

With Hillary running for the first female prez, and Oprah completely taking over the planet, I find it completely fascinating to watch the United States in a state of sexist panic. How can we, as women, possibly stand by and calmly watch the inconsistencies? Don't you notice that whatever Oprah does, she is held in suspicion? She is constantly proving to ignorant old-fashioned idiots that they are wrong, she really isn't the cold-hearted bitch you assume she is, just because she magnanimously successful. She continues to create more good for the planet, especially women, as well as create more good for herself. But do you notice the standards she is held to? If a white old dude did HALF the marvelous things this woman does, we as a culture would anoint him as the second-coming of Christ. But because Oprah is not only a woman, but a strong and not-cute woman, she is continuously accused of insincerity. She is mistrusted. After all the damage men in this world have done, we suspect HER of being dishonest when she builds houses for the homeless and schools for uneducated? Oprah doesn't have to lie you fools, she doesn't have anything to hide. But because she is wealthy and successful and strong, and female, we are always suspicious. In terms of money and prestige, white men have been doing what she does forever, and we celebrate their success. Men idolize other men that have just a tiny bit of the drive and smarts she has. I've had more arguments with men who say, "I'm not intimidated by Oprah...I just don't like her." Oh sure...you are so not intimidated by her....you just don't like her. Of course she intimidates you - you dumb fuck, that's WHY you don't like her. And who gives a shit if you like her? See that America? Because she's a gal, she still is supposed to be likeable. What the fuck? Is Bill Gates required to be likeable? Is Ted Turner afraid of not being liked? Obviously Donald Trump doesn't give a shit about his degree of charm, and yet we don't question his worthiness of the fortune he's created. People look up to him, and scrutinize Oprah. Why...because she has the power and money to do what she pleases. And as a culture we don't like that. The men like the girls to be skinny like Paris, sweet like Reese, and speak in small bite-sized non-threatening sentences that end in a self-depricating question-like rise in the voice.

No, no..I totally believe that you're not intimidated...it's cool.

ALMOST FAMOUS

Ch-ch-check it out...

My new yoga instruction dvd, AHARA YOGA, is now available. YIPPEE!
It has 2 separate 1 hour-long sessions on it, a beginner class and a more rapid Vinyasa class.

You can buy it on ebay by following the link below:

http://cgi.ebay.com/AHARA-YOGA-Instructional-DVD-w-PAULA-D-ATKINSON_W0QQitemZ350015514060QQihZ022QQcategoryZ62140QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Now what?

Ugh...Ick...I said horrible things to Carlo last night.
I don't know how to do this. Since the beginning of our relationship it's been like this. I freak out about once a month. I just don't know how to devote my life to the spiritual journey that I feel called to and at the same time live with my beloved goof of a boyfriend Carlo who doesn't believe in a higher power at all. I feel like I can't talk to him about the things that are real to me, that are most influential to me, that are most precious to me.
I cannot deny that I am so jealous of couples that are involved in what they know is a spiritual partnership. I want that. I want a partnership that inspires both people involved to be better humans, to create a better planet. I want to talk about BIG yummy topics like 'grace', and 'Love' with the man I'm in a relationship with. Carlo is not exactly touchy-feely. He's a 31-year-old man that loves football and comic books and I just feel like I can't relate to him in a way that feels meaningful to me. There are levels of intimate soul connection that he doesn't even believe exist.

I have tried telling myself that I'm selfish and I need to get over it. But it keeps coming up. Over and over,  I cry and try to explain to Carlo what I yearn for. But he doesn't get it and he doesn't want to. He's completely uninterested in the things that make me get up each morning. He's closed to the ideas and the concepts that make me the most fulfilled and inspired.
I love Carlo. I'd rather not lose him. But I don't know how to BE who I am and at the same time be in a relationship with who he is.
Divine Mother, help me.   
 

3 Weeks 'Til 32...

Drumroll please......
 
The top 10 reasons why it's f**kin' CRAZY that Paula is turning 
32 years of age on February 5th:
 
10. I swear I was a fat pre-pubescent about 20 minutes ago.
9.  I still believe I have a chance with Justin Timberlake, 
(Cameron is, like, 3 years older than me).
8. I own nothing,...other than cheap crap and a bed.
7. I've never worn panty hose for longer then two hours.
6. Anything involving the name "Disney" is my dream vacation 
spot.
5. Every accessorie I sport is designed by Sanrio.
4. My dad still longs for me to call to give him my "office phone number"...
tee-hee.
3. My grandma always thinks I'm the best at EVERYTHING and lets me eat 
Captain Crunch if I stay over.
2. I drool while watching Dora the Explorer.
 
And NUMBER ONE.....
 
No matter how old I get, all I wanna do on my birthday is have the girls 
over to do arts & crafts and talk about boys.