Dear Lindsay,
It's impossible to hate you Lindsay, because you are such a goddamned mess. SweetHeart, really, could you at least, like, eat? Or at least cover your skinny self up? The faux lesbian thing was super-cute and I was happy that you were happy. And eating. Srsly. Your mom is such a leach and you just need some help. Please go live with Dr. Drew. I swear he'll take you in. He makes everything better. Did you hear that he tweeted me? I mean...it's no big deal...whatever.
Love, Paula
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