I'm Still Hungry

Bitchin' poem.

My favorite poet is Hafiz. Here's a good one:

"All these words are just a front. What I would really like to do is chain you to my body, then sing for days and days about God." -Hafiz, Sufi poet

Let's continue beating this dead horse....

As if we needed a god-damned burning bush to get the point across that NATIONAL TV BEAUTY PAGEANTS ARE EVIL and should be banned forever more, listen to this year's line-up:

Heather Mills is among the celebrity judges just announced for the upcoming Miss USA Pageant.

 

Other judges for the April 11 competition include actor/comedian Rob Schneider, actor/musician Joey Fatone, actress Kristian Alfonso, Olympic-champion swimmer Amanda Beard, actress Kelly Carlson and San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman.

 

Donny and Marie Osmond will host the telecast of the 57th annual pageant, aired live from Las Vegas on NBC.

 

Are you kidding me? Donnie and Marie LIVE from VEGAS?! This is the most grotesque sexist bullshit ever.

The women agreeing to be in this competition need a good dose of therapy and a swift kick in their cosmetically altered asses from Maya Angelou, Queen Latifah, Jeneane Garofalo, Susan Sarandon, and Oprah. And I'll think of more awesome bitches in a second.

I Am Old.

Aaahh.... NKOTB. I was a fat middle-school kid when these guys were popular. Of course, being a fat band nerd drama geek, I did not listen to them. I was obsessed at the time with The Monkees. Srsly. Yes....I mean THOSE Monkees. Thank God for Nick at Nite.

Now, the part that means I'm old:

'They may be pushing 40, but the New Kids are returning to the block. New Kids on the Block, which sold 70 million albums in the 1980s and early 1990s, has reunited and plans to release a new album and go on tour. The reunion comes TWENTY YEARS after the release of the group's multi-platinum album, ''Hanging Tough.''' That's right, that says TWENTY YEARS.

 

Smart-ass Kid.

On a winter break trip with his family to the Smithsonian Institution's National Museum of Natural History, the 11-year-old southwestern Michigan boy noticed that a notation, in bold lettering, mistakenly identified the Precambrian as an era.

 

 

 

So Kevin Stufflebeam took his son to the museum's information desk to report Kenton's concern on a comment form.

 

Last week, the boy received a letter from the museum acknowledging that his observation was ''spot on.''

 

''The Precambrian is a dimensionless unit of time, which embraces all the time between the origin of Earth and the beginning of the Cambrian Period of geologic time,'' a letter from the museum says.

 

 

 

HA - I'm glad someone is learning something in public school.

This calms me...

You may find it disturbing, but knowing that the first pregnant dude is going on Oprah this week makes me hopeful about mankind.
If men can get pregnant, then;
A. I don't have to. SO totally not appealing to me.
B. Let men know how it feels to have hormones take complete power over one's sanity.

Jesus is the Reason for the Season

I really don't know what that means.

But I had to show a picture of me and Jesus, my 2-year-old chihuahua, (pronounced HAY-SEUSS...it's Spanish for Jesus).
He really is my savior.

Go ahead - laugh.

Oprah Winfrey is dedicating her Friday talk show to her cocker spaniel Sophie, who suddenly dropped dead of kidney failure at the age of 13.

"Sophie gave me 13 years of unconditional love. She was a true love in my life," Winfrey says on the show.

Smartie and hottie Lisa Ling delivers an investigation on puppy mills — a segment Winfrey says is a must-see "for anybody anywhere who loves a dog, has ever loved a dog or just cares about their basic right to humane
treatment."

Winfrey — whose three current dogs are adopted — says she plans to adopt from an animal shelter in the future after seeing the segment.

"I would never, ever adopt another pet now without going to a shelter to do it," she says. "I am a changed woman after seeing this show."

I love Oprah. I love that she loves her babies as much as I love my baby boy. Go ahead - make fun.  We animal-freaks don't care.

Rikki lives and....rapes

Rikki Rockett, drummer for Poison, and another who is surprisingly alive, was arrested on rape charges for an incident that occurred in September at the Silver Star Casino in Mississippi. Rikki is out of jail and awaiting a district attorney's decision to see if the case will go before a grand jury.
Ouch. I bet Brett Michaels' extremely successful reality show must've been a hard pill for Rikki to swallow.
Rikki in his glory days.

Kim's ass...uh...I mean...what?

Kim told Larry King she finds Playboy, and I quote, "Inspirational". End quote.
Kim was super-perky and ready for her awkward discussion about her nudity with the surprisingly alive Larry. This time Larry brought up the topic of her nude shoot for the mag. Kim said some other stuff about something or rather, I dunno. I was too busy staring at her ass on the video of her getting ready for the shoot.
I'm pretty sure Kim's ass could create world peace.

Boo-boo for bimbo

Paris Hilton busted up her chin over the weekend as she was enjoying Prague. She was fleeing the paparazzi when she tripped over a step and landed face first into the ground. Being the heroic knight that he is, Paris' oh-so temporary boyfriend Benji Madden failed to help Paris to her feet and instead simply stepped around her. Although after realizing she was actually bleeding from her face, he did eventually turn back around to help her. Which I guess is actually pretty impressive, because if I saw Paris Hilton lying face first on the floor I'm pretty sure my first instinct would be to laugh...hard. Well that, or bring both my hands to my face in shock that she wasn't naked and covered in used condoms.